I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I’ll laugh as I cry. I had no picture or real notion of where I’d be now. Maybe that’s the problem. Or a good thing. I’m recently unemployed and looking for work. I feel as if I am at a crossroad. I have a lot of ideas and creativity that needs expressing. I had a blog and stopped posting in 2012. Now I’m posting on my blog again. (Thanks, Mandy Hale of The Single Woman.) I have written my first novel and I am rewriting my first screenplay (how L.A. of me!)
I thought that I’d have some things settled by now… anything. I’m still in flux. However, I know myself better; I like myself better. I even can say that I love myself and have been learning to self-soothe without overeating. I have made significant changes, yet I live in the same place, so it feels a bit stagnant. I’m still in L.A. Do I want to remain? I don’t know. I have a lot of questions, but not many answers.
I am learning to trust myself and the Universe. I am learning to live with less fear and stop scaring myself with imagining scary future scenarios. I am trying to live each day fully. I am not rushing around, full of anxiety, stressing out. i am finally figuring out that inner peace is within my control. My thoughts no longer possess me. I direct them. I am self-reflecting and searching within for answers.
I can see how everything I’ve done, learned, experienced has brought me to this moment in time. While I thought that I would have had the career of my dreams, in love with an amazing man, possibly married with children, with lots of great friends, it’s not too late. I might be right on schedule to have all of that. Most of all, I am finally the person inside who could attract, have, and maintain my dreams. Before I would have sabotaged myself. So, I accept that this is where I am in my journey. Most of all, I am alive, well, and ready to have the life of my dreams … now. This is it!